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By: Jason M.A. Walter for BJJ Legends Magazine | The Beginning – Pan Ams 2010

I grew up believing that following your heart was important though societal norms seemed to indicate otherwise.  Over the years, I have struggled with deep conflicts throughout my life as I was trying to fit in with what the world told me was “right.”  At 26, I found myself young, unhealthy, and feeling dead inside.  It was not until I realized that the shackles that were holding me back were invisible and of my own creation.

I began to incorporate healthier practices in my life during the last four years.  In 2008, I finally felt empowered in life by my passion, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.  This led me to compete in the Pan-American Jiu-Jitsu Tournament, the second largest tournament in the world, in [span class=”inset-right”]Editor’s Note: Jason is traveling across the US, to different Academies.  We’re happy to present his travels and experiences with JiuJitsu, people and personal exploration.[/span]April of this year.

Leading up to the event, I trained very hard in the gym, and spent just as much time and energy outside visualizing and preparing my mind for this leg of the adventure.  I did everything that I could. Come tournament time, I truly did not feel nervous.  If anything I felt more alive than ever.  I felt this deep sense of gratitude for my life and all that I had been through and was on the verge of tears. I had finally experienced what it was to be in the Now, to go with the flow (or “flow with the go” as Rickson Gracie once said).  [blockquote class=”quotes”]I finally found them and stripped bare-ass in the middle of competitors, spectators, coaches, Professors, etc.  I sprinted back to face my destiny, got ready, went out there, and got smoked.[/blockquote]

They called my name and any butterflies I might have felt were eliminated as I was almost disqualified for a tear in my gi.  I spent the next few minutes running around the Bren Event Center at UC-Irvine looking for my teammates.  I finally found them and stripped bare-ass in the middle of competitors, spectators, coaches, Professors, etc.  I sprinted back to face my destiny, got ready, went out there, and got smoked.

I fought hard, did all that I could, and I lost. But that’s the thing. I didn’t lose. I won in so many ways.  Let me sum it all up by stressing that following my passion helped me to grow exponentially as a person and allowed me to experience what being in the moment/truly being alive was.  I came home and somewhere along the way forgot that feeling.  This column is about my journey from Hawaii across the US and learning how to really “flow with the go.”